I’ve heard a lot of people recommend getting a Japanese boyfriend / girlfriend as the best way to learn the language.
Since I’ve been married the most common comment I get is
Your wife is Japanese? You must be really fluent.
But I’m not.
My wife is actually a Japanese teacher so it might seem obvious to take advantage of her skills to get lots of free lessons. But as soon as we started going out she said she wouldn’t teach me. I thought she was being a bit mean but asking a few other mixed couples, they’ve all agreed that it’s not a good idea - most of them from experience.
If you want to take classes from your spouse I think you’d have to take it really seriously. Not doing your homework in a regular class might get a raised eyebrow but not doing something for your wife quickly goes from
You need to learn this in order to make progress.
to
Why don’t you love me? I’m going to stay with my mother!*
*Learning the grammar required to say this will actually be what you were supposed to do for homework.
The other problem with learning Japanese from a spouse is something that I really hate and that’s getting corrected in public.
In great detail.
For 15 minutes.
In front of her friends.
This isn’t to make you feel bad, it’s just that it’s difficult to switch from teacher mode to wife mode and that means when I try to sprinkle some Japanese into the conversation she’ll point out that I should have used the -te form instead of the -ta form and if I use that particle to end a sentence I sound a bit gay. Which honestly, is helpful advice, I shouldn’t complain.
I know that if couples have only a little of each other’s native language that they’ll end up learning a lot from each other just out of necessity.
My wife has really fluent English and so I can be quite lazy when it comes to making myself understood. There’s not really any situation that she can’t explain in English, so I get away with never having to speak Japanese.
But having a Japanese wife means meeting quite a few Japanese people and of course her family every now and then. So I’m still eager to improve in the language.
Have any of you had lessons every week and not driven each other crazy? What’s it like if your language skills are a bit better than your partner’s?
What has been your experience if you’re part of a couple?